Covid-19

“The place where you made your stand never mattered. Only that you were there… and still on your feet.” – Stephen King

I’m scared. Two days ago, I walked into the kitchen, and this surreal feeling came over me. I thought, “I’m in a Stephen King novel.” Visions of Frannie from, ‘The Stand’ shot through my mind for a few seconds, before reality pushed back, and my stomach sank. I know that this isn’t ‘captain trips’, and that 90 percent of the world will not succumb to Covid-19, but as someone who is in the at-risk category, I have envisioned my death. Morbid, I know. Such is life these days. I am self-isolating, but every time my husband goes out the door, I fear he will be exposed. And my at-risk daughter, whose husband has to go to work every day, and may get exposed, is a constant worry. I see people walk by my house and wonder, “Does she have it, and not know it? Does he even care if he has it? If they don’t have it, will they get it? And there are new words and phrases that have become a part of everyday life in these frightening times; Covid-19, social distancing, self-isolating. I find myself watching a TV show, and thinking, “Those people are standing too close. They’re not ‘social distancing!”; a flash of irrational anxiety. That is, when I can concentrate on a TV show. I find myself obsessing, and wanting to turn the channel back to the news to find out, “What’s happening, now?” I realize this is not good for my mental health, and I’m working on that. Perhaps this venting will help.

And then there is dread. Every time I hear a number go up, and predictions of medical personnel and equipment shortages, I go from shock, to dread. There is a face that goes with each of those numbers, and medical personnel who will have to ‘deal’ with those shortages. ‘Deal’ meaning deciding who dies. It is an inevitability. Many more people WILL die. Anxiety about this is not irrational.

Next is anger. I find myself stunned, and then angry at people who aren’t taking this seriously; those who go about their day thinking it’s no big deal, or worse, those who don’t care because they don’t think it will severely affect them. News flash: Just because you are young and healthy it doesn’t mean you can’t get it. It’s not even a certainty that you won’t die from it. It’s a crap shoot if you ignore the warnings. Ignorance is not acceptable. Selfishness is not acceptable. I want to scream at them, “Smarten the f**k up! Can’t you see people are dying? It could be your mother or father!” Then you have the ones who are adamant that it’s a government conspiracy to take away their freedom. It’s a health crisis, you idiots! This virus does not care about your freedom! About your government! About ANY country’s government! It’s GLOBAL! Take your head out of you’re a$$! If there was a time for cursing, this is that time. Sorry, I don’t like getting angry. In fact, when I get really angry, I just end up crying.  Which, I suppose, is because my anger is actually frustration and sadness.

Finally, there is desperation. This is my stand. You may be feeling this way, as well. If so, let’s stand together against those ignorant, or in denial , and say, “Please, please! I beg of you! Stay away from people! ALL people! That includes your friends, your neighbours, and your family outside of your own home. If you HAVE to be out, maintain the six-foot distance. And, for God's sake, wash your hands! Often! If you don’t do these simple things, you are selfish, and possibly deadly. You don’t want the death of a loved one on your conscience. Everyone is depending on you! I am depending on you.”